The Baby's Eyes Are Blue and other Random Thoughts

The weather finally is fall like! I love it. Miller and I went outside to enjoy it and take some pictures. I think the boy is going to have blue eyes. It took him a while to warm up to the photo shoot.

Some thoughts bouncing around in my head lately:
1. I was reading a book last night (I read while nursing.) and a mother was talking about her grown daughter and explaining how she just wouldn't listen to wisdom, or take her suggestions, or follow advice even though she knew better. And the other character says, "Gives you perspective on how God feels when we want to do things our own way."
2. I was in the car and this line of a song really stuck out to me, "We breathe to give Him glory."
3. There have been moments in the past seven weeks where I feel like I have laid myself bare for this house. Given my physical, emotional, and creative energy to taking care of the boys and the laundry and trying to show them love. And in return I want to be loved and praised. To made to feel special. How utterly selfish. I live to serve. That is why I am here. To serve others and bring glory to God. He longs for my praise in the same (but in a Holy way) way I long for the praise of my husband and children, and He did way more than the laundry! How He deserves my praise! And how much I need a dose of humility.
4. I am dying to fill up my closet with colorful cardigans(from Old Navy) like Mr. Rodgers. I think it is the combo of mom/teachers. Maybe they are my version of holiday sweaters of my elementary teachers. This one says, "Sit on my porch with me and drink a cup of tea in this fall weather." This one says, "Hello sunshine!" I want to wear it with bright flats and maybe one of those headbands from Etsy with the cloth flowers. This one says, "I may have two boys but I am still a girl." This one begs to be worn with comfy jeans. This one wants to be worn in the classroom with black pants and sensible heels. This one wants to be worn with a fall skirt and boots. I can't help it. I can't resist the cardigan.

The Thirty Four Month Old

I thought that since Miller is going to be getting frequent updates Noah could use one too.

Noah is two months away from being THREE! Wow. Does time fly.

When people ask me how Miller is doing and how things are going with two I say, "Fine. Things are good." , with a big smile I hope is convincing. The hardest thing about Miller as a newborn is Noah. Noah craves the full time one on one attention he has enjoyed for the past three years. And now he has to share it and its been a hard adjustment. For both of us. I really do want to play with him when he asks.

Noah is a wonderfully active, curious, smart, and cunning almost three year old. He has a huge imagination and is always creating games to play with his cars from parking them to racing them on "oval" mud racetracks. (Or the living room rug) But he wants you do do these things with him. Now. He is not at all patient. (I don't expect him to be but once and I awhile I could use some patience on his part.) He is stubborn and a little on the willful side. When I play cars with him I am told which car to play with and what it says and does. I get this feeling of deja vu as I am taken back to playing with a two year old Emily. But if Noah turns out half as kind and patient as his Aunt Emily is today I will be grateful!

Noah currently has a little skin/ staff like infection that apparently is really running amuck in Ttown. He was the fourth patient to come in with it the day we went to the doctor. He is so tolerant of discomfort and pain that he doesn't complain about it (until its time to clean it).

He is desperate for a haircut. Last time she didn't blend in the top very well and it is grown out FUNKY. I am scared to take him in because I am not sure how it can be fixed.

To maintain our sanity and keep him occupied with something other than Little Bear and Diego I have restarted preschool. I just follow his school theme and letter of the week and supplement. This week is bears. We sorted gummy bears and made a bear with coffee grinds. And checked out bear books from the library. Today we will work on the letter F.

His current obsession is birthday parties. They have cake there. He asks every morning if it is his birthday. Soon Noah. Not to you but to soon for this mom. My baby is growing up!

The Correction

My fact checker (Adam) read the post below last night and told me I was crazy. Apparently I barely remember the first six weeks of Noah's life. Noah was not sleeping 8 hours at six weeks. That didn't happen until he was about 8 weeks and then he would sleep eleven hours or so around 12 weeks. So Miller is actually doing better in the sleep department, at least at night. And Miller would like me to say that today he spent 15 happy minutes in his bouncy seat. Now everything has been corrected ;)

The One Month Old

I wanted to take "chair" pictures of Miller each month. But my camera is in a drawer in the guest room at my parents house. (Notice I didn't say my room, I really wanted to but I am trying to let go.) Because I "unpacked" trying be neater with the 8 million things we brought last weekend. Long story being cut short... I took these with my Blackberry and decided to use our bed since that is where is maternity and newborn shots were taken.

Pre-month (Not taken with my Blackberry, but by my mom, in case you couldn't tell ;0 )

Zero Months, One week old (Again, my mom's photography, not the Blackberry)

One Month (Blackberry pictures. I promise he won't always be naked for these, but he had just peed all over both of us and it was almost bath time, so I did not see the need to get dressed.)

And we are done.

Miller is a delight. A ball (long ball) of sweetness. Who doesn't want to be put down EVER. Seriously if it is not human arms he wants nothing to do with it. No swing. No bouncy seat. The only thing he doesn't reject after thirty seconds is his playmat and that only lasts ten minutes at the most. And while I want to hold him indefinitely and soak in his cuddly sweet little being, I have an almost three year old who likes to use a whole roll of toilet paper at a time or empty the contents of the fridge if he is unattended. So sometimes he cries. And I think about my grandmother who had four kids in four years. Someone must have always been crying. I look forward to getting to heaven and giving her a big hug and asking how she did it. How did she stay sane?

Nursing is going well I guess. After the mastitis and resulting thrush I am loving that we are free and clear now and no longer require an extra thirty to forty minutes per nursing session for all the "extra" steps. It is a sweet time. And now I am stubborn. If I can get through those to hiccups then I can conquer anything else that comes our way. I do notice that eating and drinking enough has a big effect on me. There is no getting busy and not eating food until three pm. That just doesn't work.

Miller is sleeping well. Not through the night (well 8 hrs) like Noah was at this point but he will go 4-5 hour stretches. We are learning to nap during the day. Which usually includes some of the beformentioned crying. And is according to the books a "skill to be learned."

Looking into Miller's bright blue eyes I find an old soul (probably because of his newborn wrinkly forehead). I can't wait to see his little personality pop out. Its like its waiting somewhere in him, waiting until he can put his deep thoughts into words.

Motherhood reminds me of the verse about being a imperfect breakable vessel so that God's strength can show through my weakness. Because I am weak and cracked and broken. But He brings me strength and comfort and delight through Noah's laughter and curiosity and through Miller's new little smiles and sweet cuddles and through Adam's support and service. Motherhood for me points to my selfishness as God asks me to give it up. To make a love sacrifice of sleep, time, vanity, clean hair, caffeine and dairy foods. And return I get His grace, I get a glimpse of His love for me and I get the divine privilege of loving my boys and showing them God's love. And while it is hard at moments when I am torn in two between their needs I am so thankful for the opportunity to meet them.

The Things Going on Lately

My mind is processing a million things at once while my body just wants to crawl into bed. This post is a list of random tidbits and random pictures (I can not find our camera. So I stole these from Emily's Facebook page. Thanks Aunt Emy!)

Xander and Lillie hanging out. Miller Baby in a box

- Noah has had a good week. I have spent a lot of time praying for my attitude and his. I am trying my hardest to react to him in love and patience because I know he is struggling with his new role.

- Miller is one month old! I will have a post about that when I find me camera.

- I had Mastitis a few weeks back. It was awful but it gets worse. Apparently Miller developed Thrush from an abundance of yeast produced from the antibiotic I was on for the Mastitis. It has been awful. But we are both on the mend and hopefully this is the last nursing hurdle for us.

- Emily asked Adam and I to be Xander's godparents. We are thrilled and humbled that she thinks so highly of our ability to be spiritual leaders and guides for X. We love him so much and look forward to serving this special role in his life.

- Tonight we took Miller and Noah to Wednesday night church. Adam attended a men's Bible Study and I went to hear our Pastor speak to married couples and parents in a small group setting. His message tonight was about The relationships your child needs in their lives. It was very pertinent to things I have been feeling and processing as I struggle to model God's love for Noah. How do you lead your children to Christ? Where do you start? With love. With acceptance. With grace. With forgiveness.

- I have not yet printed my personal planner for this year. I feel like I am just floating without it. Something is wrong with the printer. And I put off all technology on to Adam. Because I lack the confidence to attempt it myself. I don't even know who we are playing next week. Or how many weeks there are left in September. What is today's date? Help me.

- Where is my camera? Not in this house.

The Parking Lot

Noah is practicing to become a Valet. He spends hours turning our living room into a giant parking lot. He will park and repark cars all day long.

These particular cars are parked at the car wash.
Then when he is done they go to the garage, where cars live in case you didn't know. Miller keeps an eye on things. Boys and their imaginations are funny little things.

The Labor Day Weekend

My Labor Day weekend did not turn out as planned. Some ways that was a good thing and in other ways not.

Friday was a great start to the three day weekend. I finally got my hair cut and colored after nearly ten weeks. It always feels nice to get a little update after having a baby.

Then we had Aubrey Kate (and her parents and Nana and Puddin too!) over for lunch. It was so good to see this growing cutie. Of course she cried both times I held her but she had a long day up to that point.

Later that night we had what was supposed to be a surprise visit from some of our best friends Dan and Jana Hillen and their two children Micah and Alana and Thomas and Dusti and their daughter Sela. The Hillens were down from Indiana for the weekend. Thomas, Dusti, Dan and Jana were the first friends Adam and I made together as a couple our first year in Tuscaloosa. Our weekends together included late nights of playing games and visiting coffee shops. Dusti and Jana are two women that know me so well and can really call me out on things when needed. We spent many hours talking, praying and sharing. Now we have five kids between us. This Friday night was a little different than those four years ago. But Jana and I are both nursing and we found that we can use that as an excuse to go into a bedroom with the three of us, babies and nursing covers and still get that peace and quiet for some of our old school talks. It was so wonderful to see the them. Even if Adam ruined the surprise. And Jana has the best double stroller ever. I have lusted after it ever since she let me try it out.

Saturday is when things took a downhill turn. I woke up feeling like I had been crying for days. I hurt. Sinus pressure and headache. We were packing up to spend Saturday night in Birmingham celebrating Puddin's 60th Birthday at his surprise party. I just felt worse and worse. We stopped first at my parents house to drop off Charlie. I had the chills and was developing a fever. Needless to say I missed the next 36 hours of the weekend with some kind of nasty and random sinus virus. (I was so sad to miss the party! And the Auburn game!) I had to depend on my parents and their hospitality and help yet again. Mom and Emily took care of me Saturday night. Sunday while Adam was at work they kept Noah busy and helped with Bitsy. Then when I was feeling better Monday morning Dad took us back to meet Adam. I am so thankful for their love and help. You never stop being a parent.

Monday got better. Jennifer, my super neighbor bought a massive blowup water slide. She and Teral had the kids over to play. Noah had a blast! Noah was "doing laundry"! Don't I wish :) Overall the weekend made me even more thankful for my friends and family. What more can you really ask from a holiday weekend?