Monday, September 20, 2010

The One Month Old

I wanted to take "chair" pictures of Miller each month. But my camera is in a drawer in the guest room at my parents house. (Notice I didn't say my room, I really wanted to but I am trying to let go.) Because I "unpacked" trying be neater with the 8 million things we brought last weekend. Long story being cut short... I took these with my Blackberry and decided to use our bed since that is where is maternity and newborn shots were taken.

Pre-month (Not taken with my Blackberry, but by my mom, in case you couldn't tell ;0 )
Zero Months, One week old (Again, my mom's photography, not the Blackberry)
One Month (Blackberry pictures. I promise he won't always be naked for these, but he had just peed all over both of us and it was almost bath time, so I did not see the need to get dressed.)
And we are done.

Miller is a delight. A ball (long ball) of sweetness. Who doesn't want to be put down EVER. Seriously if it is not human arms he wants nothing to do with it. No swing. No bouncy seat. The only thing he doesn't reject after thirty seconds is his playmat and that only lasts ten minutes at the most. And while I want to hold him indefinitely and soak in his cuddly sweet little being, I have an almost three year old who likes to use a whole roll of toilet paper at a time or empty the contents of the fridge if he is unattended. So sometimes he cries. And I think about my grandmother who had four kids in four years. Someone must have always been crying. I look forward to getting to heaven and giving her a big hug and asking how she did it. How did she stay sane?

Nursing is going well I guess. After the mastitis and resulting thrush I am loving that we are free and clear now and no longer require an extra thirty to forty minutes per nursing session for all the "extra" steps. It is a sweet time. And now I am stubborn. If I can get through those to hiccups then I can conquer anything else that comes our way. I do notice that eating and drinking enough has a big effect on me. There is no getting busy and not eating food until three pm. That just doesn't work.

Miller is sleeping well. Not through the night (well 8 hrs) like Noah was at this point but he will go 4-5 hour stretches. We are learning to nap during the day. Which usually includes some of the beformentioned crying. And is according to the books a "skill to be learned."

Looking into Miller's bright blue eyes I find an old soul (probably because of his newborn wrinkly forehead). I can't wait to see his little personality pop out. Its like its waiting somewhere in him, waiting until he can put his deep thoughts into words.

Motherhood reminds me of the verse about being a imperfect breakable vessel so that God's strength can show through my weakness. Because I am weak and cracked and broken. But He brings me strength and comfort and delight through Noah's laughter and curiosity and through Miller's new little smiles and sweet cuddles and through Adam's support and service. Motherhood for me points to my selfishness as God asks me to give it up. To make a love sacrifice of sleep, time, vanity, clean hair, caffeine and dairy foods. And return I get His grace, I get a glimpse of His love for me and I get the divine privilege of loving my boys and showing them God's love. And while it is hard at moments when I am torn in two between their needs I am so thankful for the opportunity to meet them.


Micheal said...

Carrie what a beautiful ending to your post! You always seem to be able to capture what you are feeling in words so well! It is truly a gift! I promise that we will make it to T-Town soon enough to see you all and welcome Miller!

HB said...

LOVE THIS! Your last paragraph was JUST what I needed to read. You're such a great writer! That little Miller is adorable!