Miller is a delight. A ball (long ball) of sweetness. Who doesn't want to be put down EVER. Seriously if it is not human arms he wants nothing to do with it. No swing. No bouncy seat. The only thing he doesn't reject after thirty seconds is his playmat and that only lasts ten minutes at the most. And while I want to hold him indefinitely and soak in his cuddly sweet little being, I have an almost three year old who likes to use a whole roll of toilet paper at a time or empty the contents of the fridge if he is unattended. So sometimes he cries. And I think about my grandmother who had four kids in four years. Someone must have always been crying. I look forward to getting to heaven and giving her a big hug and asking how she did it. How did she stay sane?
Nursing is going well I guess. After the mastitis and resulting thrush I am loving that we are free and clear now and no longer require an extra thirty to forty minutes per nursing session for all the "extra" steps. It is a sweet time. And now I am stubborn. If I can get through those to hiccups then I can conquer anything else that comes our way. I do notice that eating and drinking enough has a big effect on me. There is no getting busy and not eating food until three pm. That just doesn't work.
Miller is sleeping well. Not through the night (well 8 hrs) like Noah was at this point but he will go 4-5 hour stretches. We are learning to nap during the day. Which usually includes some of the beformentioned crying. And is according to the books a "skill to be learned."
Looking into Miller's bright blue eyes I find an old soul (probably because of his newborn wrinkly forehead). I can't wait to see his little personality pop out. Its like its waiting somewhere in him, waiting until he can put his deep thoughts into words.
Motherhood reminds me of the verse about being a imperfect breakable vessel so that God's strength can show through my weakness. Because I am weak and cracked and broken. But He brings me strength and comfort and delight through Noah's laughter and curiosity and through Miller's new little smiles and sweet cuddles and through Adam's support and service. Motherhood for me points to my selfishness as God asks me to give it up. To make a love sacrifice of sleep, time, vanity, clean hair, caffeine and dairy foods. And return I get His grace, I get a glimpse of His love for me and I get the divine privilege of loving my boys and showing them God's love. And while it is hard at moments when I am torn in two between their needs I am so thankful for the opportunity to meet them.