I recently picked up the book What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty at the library. I haven't finished it yet but it is a story that brought to the surface a fear I try to keep buried.
My grandmother suffered from Alzheimer's. I think it is the most terrible disease. You forget. You lose your memories. You forget the most important people and how to do the most important things. My only comfort is in my grandmothers final days the thing that remained was her faith.
For me my biggest fear was losing my mom to this disease. My mom is my supporter, my adviser, my cheerleader, my prayer warrior and so much more. The thought of looking into her face and having her eyes search mine to come up empty just rocks me to my core. But through a lot of prayer God has given me peace about this. (And all that research you see about coffee and grandparents babysitting their grandkids,,,she has those things down!)
Now the fears I work through are losing my own memories. Will it skip a generation? Will I forget my children? Will I forget the stories that made us who we are? That tied us together? Will I forget my love for Adam? Will I loose the the recognition of the blessing he is to me? And before I do will I say all that I need to say to those I love?
I am praying through this little surfacing moment and asking God that He show me something through it. And He is. He is telling me heart to love fierce. When it gets busy and stressful to not lose sight of the how fleeting it all is. His little hand may not fit like it does in mine much longer. He won't sleep with a football and a stuffed puppy forever. He is also reminding me to act on my impulses to connect. Send that text. Mail stickers to that little one. Leave a happy on the porch for that friend. Pray for that person in the moment. And also to record it. To take the time to blog and snap that picture so if for some reason I don't have the words for them one day the words and pictures expressing my love will be there for them.
Thankful for the reminder....