We were carving our pumpkins this week and thought about how this is what I want God to do to me. Hollow me out. Scoop out the gunk. Toss it out. Punch some holes in me to show I am not perfect(as if there were people who would think I was!) and put His light in me so it shines out to others.
Then I started to think about what is my gunk. My gunkiest gunk that is stinky and sticky. What do I need to get rid of? What do I need to confess? One thing is jealousy. I am a jealous person. I am jealous of moms who get to stay home. I am jealous of women who are good at their job. I am jealous of my sisters. I am jealous of people who have a fitness routine. I am jealous of people who cook dinner for their family every night. I am jealous of people who belong to Bible Studies. I am jealous of pregnant women. I am jealous of women who have style. I am jealous of my friends friends, who get to spend time with my friends when I don't. I am jealous of people with lots of comments on their blog posts. Satan uses jealousy to create dissatisfaction with my life. I am blessed beyond what I deserve. Why do I feel like I deserve to have things? Why do I get jealous over things I have control over? Because I am a sinner and I need God. I NEED GOD. And He knows that. And he loves me. Even gunky, stinky, and sticky.
With God's help I can open my clenched fists and open more of my life to God and stop watching life go by and feeling sorry for myself because I can't keep up. Just run.
Here are some pictures of our pumpkin carving and painting!
3 comments:
Carrie I just wanted to let you know I love your blog and I loved this post. I am jealous of people who can express themselves in writing like you can... aren't we all jealous of something! Thanks for sharing, it's what I needed to hear this morning!!!
I was going to say the SAME thing in my comment! I ALWAYS enjoy reading your blog and your perspective on life, children and YOUR JOB (you are a great teacher! I wish I was a teacher and if I ever become one, I hope I'm wise like you....and love my students).
Hope you guys have a great weekend.
HB
I agree with your friends, everyone is jealous of something. You don't won't to hear this but as you get older this is less of a problem. I am comfortable within my skin, even if it does look like a prune. You are brave to share that with all of us. I need this prayer everyday. Quite judging yourself so hard and just do the best you can. When younger, I would pray for a change and when there was no answer I learned the hard way to claim "... in whatever state I am, in this I will be content." Phil 4:11 Change did come, but more than that was peace. Love,MIL
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