Last night we went to partake in one of my favorite Tuscaloosa Christmas traditions, Dickens Downtown. Downtown Northport celebrates its little shops and quaint historic buildings with a family orientated 1800's style street party. I love it. This year was super crowded because it was warmer than usual. We had a good time even though lines were too long to do much.
Miller wanted to wear his Christmas tee from last year which of course still fits because he is still little and is finally just growing out of his 2t things. Noah wanted to match. He had me take his keep box down from the closet where all his monogrammed clothes are preserved. It barely covered his tummy. He wouldn't normally be caught in a shirt with his name these days. But last night he was all about it.
I thought on it all night and I came to this....My sweet Noah struggles with getting big and growing up. In the same way I hold on tight to his little boy ways there are parts of him that want to hang on too. He is caught between kid and little one. Somedays he runs straight into it and others he tries to hide from getting bigger. The mood swings and occasional bouts of attitude are related to growing up. And facing meshing the comforts of being a little man who snuggles with mommy and daddy, is scared of dogs, sleeps with a light on and has six lovies in his bed with a new and growing independence and experimenting with the world around him and boundaries.
And suddenly he isn't trying my patience as much because I can recognize the struggle even if he can't put his worries into words. I know. Because I am 33 and still sleep with my teddy bear.
Thank you Father for keep boxes and too tiny t shirts and family traditions. And for understanding and realizations. Help me to communicate your unconditional love to Noah. Help me to let him feel secure in whatever age he may be. Help me to not forget what uncertainty feels like so that I do not offer reassurance. Amen.