Tuesday, May 22, 2012
The Desires of Your Heart
In high school, or it might have been college, my mom gave me a verse she had been praying for me. My mother is very wise and I wish I had taken note of all of the scripture she has given me as closely as this one. It was Psalm 37:4. "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." On the surface this verse seems to mean, delight in God and he will give you what you want. But over the years God has shown me a different meaning.... delight yourself in my will and I will place desires in your heart for the things I have planned for you. He will give me the desires. For example.... My husband. Throughout our early dating relationship, particularly those first few weeks Adam threw out some signals.... Like not opening car doors, letting me pay for his dinner on our first date (I offered but I didn't really mean it ;) ) doing his laundry before coming to see me after being separated for a week over Spring Break....things that would have been deal breakers, little things that were a test of my own selfish need for attention and a testament to not imperfections but of a personality perfectly suited to keep my feet on the ground in our married life. God knew what I was going to need and he caused me to desire Adam all the more for it. Turns out following through on my offer to pay for dinner was a test of sorts. Thank goodness I passed. Which brings me to today. I have wanted to be a kindergarten teacher since preschool. All my life. Until September 11th 2001. I was in the office in the College of Education that terrible morning switching my major to Secondary History Education. Why? I was freaked out about teaching kids to read! I had just finished an amazing summer at Kanakuk Kamps working with high schoolers and started leading my D group of high school girls at AUM. I prayed and prayed about these feelings stirring in me to work in the high school level and felt God say change your major and so I did. The past seven years I have often wondered if I heard God correctly that day. My job as often been a struggle and if I don't turn it over completely to Him I often feel like I am banging my head against a brick wall. In the past few years I have really developed a passion for working with reading in my classroom. It is a struggle for many of my kids. I plan my professional development around it, design lessons around it, plan projects around it and even dream about furthering my education with it. Reading can open doors for my kids that are locked up tight and I try to give them they keys. Under wise advice from trusted colleagues I decided to try for my reading endorsement. I had already taken the necessary online pd courses all I needed was to pass the Praxis II in reading specialist. The end of your college course work test. The coursework I don't have. I prayed and felt like God was saying no I wasn't crazy go for it. I took it in April and needed a 530 to pass. This morning I found out a made a 650. All God. None of me. So obviously God has put this desire in my heart. Since this is previously a fear of mine....teaching reading. I wait anxiously to see how He plans on using me in this capacity! He apparently has something in mind!