Tuesday, October 25, 2011

The Jack O Latern

Saturday we carved our jack o lantern. Noah was super excited. We don't have fancy tools. Just a pink sharpie and a kitchen knife. But it gets the job done.
I couldn't help but remember this post from two years ago. I thought about how the Holiday s

eason is approaching fast and furious and I really want it to be a special time for me and Jesus. Ans before I focus on thanksgiving, growth and the miracle of Christ I need to deal with some stuff.
Scoop it out. Throw it away. Hollow me out. So that His light can shine out from me.

So here it is. The think the big thing I am struggling with is vanity and selfishness. I feel like I have really grown in my faith this year. Like God is growing me up. Turning me into a grown up. Changing my perspective. However..... I find myself focusing on my wants. Like new shoes. A cute pair of jeans. An outfit that wasn't on sale.Something trendy. Oh my. Did I forget that God clothes flowers? Who am I to worry about clothes? Do I have some? Yes. I do. More clothes than 90% of the world. Why do I whine? Is that what really matters? I feel petty.

I struggle with laziness. I am so tired. So often when I have a few minutes at either end I do nothing.

I struggle with trust. My heart knows God has plans for me. But my head wonders when our break will come.

And I worry. I have had about four to five severe headaches a week for the past month. I am pretty sure they are stress related. There is some secret worry buried deep. I need to hand it over. Hopefully after being honest with myself and my Grace Filled Savior I can work on scooping out that gunk. And letting my light shine. In the dark places God has positioned me in.

Like our lantern. Willie.


HB said...

Oh my...LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE this post. All I can say is AMEN, SISTER!! Thank you for being so real and honest. I'm going to go read it again...

Mom said...

Pumpkin guts.....well the seeds...are quite yummy once they have been refined in a bit of fire.....and seasoned by the cook. I bet He puts sugar on yours, my sweetly honest daughter. I love you!