For Christmas I asked for a book called Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson. I wanted this book because I believed it to be about establishing a nurturing, supportive home environment in which to raise children who love God. What I didn't bargain for was the chapters on the importance of staying home with your kids. This is what I interpreted as I read: She stresses that this is God's design and plan for motherhood. She argues that the increase of working mothers over the last century has led to the breakdown of society. That you can not be truly successful at God's definition of motherhood if your heart is divided between your job and your children. You can of course still love your children but you can't really complete your mission. Christ will of course forgive you. But you should really try to work something out so you can be at home. And your finances will take care of themselves.
The thing is that I believe that if possible moms should spend as much time as possible nurturing their kids. I believe that is God's design.I am certainly not a career woman. I am not out to become the state superintent. I am completely satisfied to be a classroom teacher from here on out. I do enjoy my job but I believe that Noah and Adam are more important than my classroom. I find satisfaction in teaching and feel that I am just where God wants me to be. I would of course prefer to be at home full time. But its not really possible for everyone. My financial situation will not just sort itself out.
So after an hour of guilt ridden sobbing I put aside the book and pulled out my Bible to find comfort and security in God's love for me and my family. I thought how most of the authors I have read and studied have shared Clarkson's ideas. Where are the books for Christian women who want to raise children and have to work? Where are the examples on how to survive and maintain balance? The books for Christian working mothers?
After a while I picked the book back up and skipped ahead past part one. I did find practical ideas on creating the peaceful nurturing home life. It was the book I was hoping it would be. But in the back of my head I still hear the voice, can I do it all? Really?
8 comments:
carrie-i'm not there to see how you mother, but I know that you are an incredible mother. I don't think that working or not working defines us as moms. I think that the Lord gives us grace for each day and each moment. He determines our steps and how we are called to influence our children. No false guilt, sister! You are doing an incredible job.
I don't like that book, Carrie. Some of us just don't have a choice. I think God knows that Baker would not get to eat or be diapered if I did not work. Let me know when you find a "less guilty" chapter! ha!
carrie-
you don't know me. I found your blog thru Micheal's (she's a friend of mine from church). I struggle with the same feelings all the time. I'll keep you in my prayers and definately be a cheering section for you!
It's like I said the other night, Hitler had a stay-at-home mom. The boy was normal, happy tike, but turned out to be, well... let's just understatedly say he ended up shooting himself in the head on his honeymoon.
It's not like the theory of staying at home to raise a pre-schooler has a perfect track record of turning out well-rounded, functioning adults who know their place in the world, the general goal of parenting I would think. Simply staying at home with a child is a means, not and end.
Women have worked for most of human history, if not outside the home, then working brutally inside and around the home just to survive. Staying at home today is not like staying at home before modern technology and food storage. Even those who had the luxury of daily free time often had help like wet nurses, friends, sisters, St. Bernards (remember the ungrateful Darling kids who flitted off to Never Never Land) nannies, etc.
That said, I think being able to stay at home is great and likely the best in the short term for the child, but this idea that your are not fulfiling God's plan for your life as a woman if you don't stay home is propoganda, something else Hitler knew a lot about.
You asked where is the book for Christian women who have to work? It's in you. Like I said the other night, if you can't find a good one, write one.
And I say that you should write one because you are, in my humble estimation, a great mom. You are not a career woman, but are aware of the limitations working puts on motherhood and work diligently to overcome them. Noah couldn't know more that you love him and care for him, in his own understanding, than if you had spent every waking hour with him since birth.
Ditto, all!! Carrie, I do stay home, but I have guilt all the time, too. Maybe I am not showing Jessa that women can have a career? I think that Moms will feel guilty no matter what. I always look at self-help/how-to books as ideas. You take what works for you and give it a shot. BUT not every idea in every book is right for every person. Different ideas, techniques, people make the world go round!
You are a great mom! I think the #1 thing that Moms can give their kids is love. A loving home where they can feel safe. A loving family where they can be themselves. And Noah and the new baby have that NO QUESTION.
Carrie, for what it's worth from your Father In Law.
I found this site that may be of some help.
http://www.kimberlychastain.com/articles/biblesay.htm
I think if you stop and look at past generations, you will see that many of the women in the Bible were not just stay at home moms. Most had to work in the fields during the day and had to spend much more time in just taking care of meals. Men were also "stay at home dads" plying their trade or working the fields. The mothers in the early industrial age worked in factories and other places to help keep food on the table. In no generation have many woman simply been able to simply work in the home without being involved in church, civic duties or hard labor. My father and moms generation came about as close as I have been able to discern and even then my mom had to have some help from time to time. In fact all the ideal shows about the mom being at home and in her elegant dress and pearls having time to keep house immaculate and the dinner hot when the man of the house came home was pretty much that, a storybook.
The measure of a woman is the sacrifice that she makes for her family. The same of the man. I have no doubt in my mind that when you meet God He will commend you for your fathful support of your family. I know that Adam, your mom and dad and Sandra and I recognize that. One day when Noah is older, he will recognize that his mom was the best thing that God gave him. A mother's love is something that only you can give Noah. As long you give that willingly "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:"
I know we do already.
Puddin
Carrie,
After reading your post and several of the comments I would encourage you to refuse the notion that you work because you have no choice. You always have a choice. Viewing a situation otherwise leaves you frustrated and hopeless. I believe you go to work everyday because you counted the cost of working and you counted the cost of not working and you decided that you, Adam, and Noah are all better off if you work. That is the choice you made and you should be proud of it. There is no author that knows the needs of your family as intimately as you know them. Often times our choices do require some sacrifice, and you should be commended for pursuing the greater good for your family despite the sacrifices required.
Brandon
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