The No Resolution Resolution

Most people who know and love me know that I have a problem with self discipline. I am not necessarily a lazy person. I have lazy moments. I definitely am not internally motivated. But I love to make big plans and goals for myself. I'm not sure I've ever reached one. (Kind of like Julia and Julie) I make charts and set a system of rewards. With no luck.

This year things have started to change. It started with a sermon that resonated in my heart and whispers in my ear every so often. Like today... Noah looked at me and said, "Run Mommy, Run. Please." Which means chase me. My stomach said, "if you get up off this couch I will will rebel and vomit the crackers and ginger ale" but my heart said, " didn't you always dream of running around your house chasing your children? Well here you go. Do it. How much longer will he want you to?" So I did. The basic of what the words of my pastor and the Word of God have done in my heart is this.... Live Life. Live it. Don't watch it. Don't wish it was different. Don't make excuses. You want to be a better person. Be a better person. Make it happen.

I am not saying that all of a sudden I am perfect and juggle 20 things at a time. I am not ever going to be able to do that. Some people can. That is great. I am going to learn to be okay with doing two or three things at a time instead of doing nothing because I am too focused on being upset that I can't do twenty. Instead of waiting around to be called to a new job or a new city, I am praying to have my eyes and heart open to what God is calling me to here. In Tuscaloosa. At BHS. On Bristolwood Circle. He is asking me to do great things. They may not be important in the eyes of society but they are of great importance to Him. He is calling to love my husband well and to submit to him. He is calling me to raise my little boy to love Him and serve Him. He is calling me to be His hands, to spread His love in my school. He is calling me to encourage and love my extended family, friends and neighbors and even people I do not know. He is calling me to seek Him with all my heart, all my mind, and all my soul.

So this year I am not going to make any pledge or resolution to exercise everyday or write a letter a week or leave Adam notes in his lunchbox or plan a special outing for Noah once a week or memorize a verse a week. No resolutions this year. I am just going to try to be a better wife, a better mother, a better teacher, a better friend, a better daughter, a better sister, a better aunt, a better neighbor, a better woman of God. And I am going to forgive myself when I fail. And I am going to try again.