The Hopeful Semester

This semester I had big hopeful plans. I heard God call me to get a grip on my life , in Adam's words. I wanted things like peace and stability and control over chaos my house , and to lose a couple pounds. The message I received was that all of this was within my power. I had to get a grip. Meaning during the week I needed to get up in the five o'clock hour and spend time in prayer and study of God's word and exercising. I needed to not waste opportunities with Noah and Adam or reaching out to my friends. And at night I needed to spend 15- 20 minutes picking up, straightening and vacuuming the house.

So that is what I have been working on accomplishing. My mood and level of stress has been much improved. And to top it off my intern was to start Friday. I was thrilled. The intern would share the joy, stress and work load of teaching. She would be someone to share my day with. Someone to give me a fresh perspective on teaching and new ideas. Not to mention that I would get a break form grading and planning and actually get to enjoy the kids, undertake some big organizational projects of my own, and keep prom work in between the hours of 8-3. Everything was going smoothly.

Wednesday night Noah and I drove to Birmingham so that I could eat dinner with some college friends. The first day of the new semester had gone well and I got the kids pumped up about the spring and out intern. We got to my parents house, (they were going to eat with Noah and watch him) just a little late. Somewhere between the car and their front door, I lost my keys. No problem, my mom had a spare set so I could go on to dinner. Dinner was great. We had so much fun talking and catching up that I lost track of time. It was nine before I realized it. I got back to my parents and remembered that I must find my keys. Luckily my parents have infinite patience with me and losing things. My mom and I searched for thirty minutes before I found them in a gutter down the street. It was ten before Noah and were headed back to Tuscaloosa. He slept the whole way which went from an hour drive to an hour and a half with traffic problems. (An over sized load truck with state trooper escorts going 50 miles an hour!) Needless to say it was midnight before I fell into bed after a long day. But I thought, no problem my intern will be here Friday and I won't be so tired.
Thursday I woke up late and not in the five o clock hour. I packed my Bible and the studies I am working on to do at school in a free moment. When I got there, in my email box was the worst news I've received in a long time. Intern Placement Canceled. Apparently she had been to my school during a clinical placement and had not been successful. ???? Not sure what that means. But it did mean that I don't have an intern. All my hope for the semester began to swirl down the drain. All the plans and the rest. The break I had finally caught. Gone. My hope for the spring began to turn to bitterness. And I hate bitterness. My bitter day turned for the worst when a fight broke out in my room at the end of third period. Desks knocked over, shirts removed. It triggered a severe tension headache as I thought about another rough semester. Without an intern.

An eighth of my bitterness faded with a milkshake from my friend with third period prep. Half my bitterness dissolved when I saw these sweet faces and heard their laughter. Another fourth of it washed away Friday morning when I spent an hour in prayer and in the Word. Hannah had a reason for her bitterness and it was far worse than a hard job and no intern. Do you know what she did with her bitterness? She brought it to the Lord. Year after year. And He heard her and blessed her. So that it what I did.

But I won't lie, a little bitterness crept back when all the teachers around me introduced their interns to me Friday morning and I thought about the semester of hope. But God was faithful. I had a good day with my kids. Even third period was good after a stern word about yesterday's fight (which you might have been able to catch pictures of on Myspace if I hadn't deleted the pictures of the girl's camera) . And on the way home to be with Adam and Noah I was reminded that my hope, my joy , and my optimism doesn't come from circumstances it comes the assurance of my faith.