The Ugly Me

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

As the school year gets closer and closer to May 25th I get more and more down hearted at the state of my classroom, funding for education, the scary things the new school year will bring, my abilities and desires, attitudes and actions of myself and others and I get more and more overcome. And instead of turning to God in thanksgiving and prayer I whine and pout and stomp my feet. Hang my head and cry.

I ask Him,

"Where is my silver lining?"

"Where is my new opportunity?"

"Where is my big break?"

"Why don't I get to do that?"

"Or wear that?"

"Or serve you in that way?"

And I bemoan the fact that I can't lay in bed a little longer or stay home and play cars with my boys. When God gives me the chance everyday to shine for Him in very dark places. That is what He wants me to do. I am just finding it harder and harder to to it. I am pretty sure He must tire of hearing me whine. And so must you. I am resolving to put my big girl pants on and try to be the joyful girl God wills for me to be. His blessing are everywhere. I need to open my eyes to the things He has placed in my life to show me His abundant love and turn away from the whispering voice of the Liar who tells me my life is ugly, and incomplete, and worthless, impactless, and mundane. I rejoice and thank God for the husband who never complains about my attitude, the boys whose smiles brighten up my day, the friends who steal me away for weekend trips or a cup of coffee, the parents (both sets) who pray for me and support me in all my little and big adventures. I remind myself that all He calls me to do is live the life He has given me. And live it well. Shining His joy for the world to see.