Thursday, December 9, 2010

The Breakdown

Yesterday was one of those days that makes me wish I didn't have to go back to work in a month. It was just a sweet sweet day. While Noah was at school in the morning I spent an hour just holding, adoring and loving on Miller. Then during his nap I picked up the house, did laundry, put dinner in the crock pot, made brownies, and set up a station for gingerbread men decorating. When I picked up Noah he did one of the fly into a hug greetings and gave me a big kiss. We came home and did our Advent Calendar activities. We were a day behind so we did two. One of the messages was about how Jesus knew the Bible very well. Noah was then to tell us his favorite Bible story. He brought me the Jesus Storybook Bible and said the whole thing as his favorite. The other message said that Jesus memorized scripture and would use verses when He needed them. Noah was then to tell us any verses he remembered. He said , "Be strong and couragous. Do not be afraid. From Ronomy 4,6. I can use it to help not be scared." So sweet! We decorated gingerbread men and Miller helped. Then they both took two and half hour naps. At the same time! I showered and played on the computer. When the boys woke up I took Noah to church to meet up with Adam. Miller and I spent another sweet hour together.

And then it happened.

I remembered that this isn't really my life. It is just a temporary fantasy. A fairytale. Real life is starting again the first week of January. It is stress. It is using up all my patience on teenagers who are disrespectful and apathetic. It is rushed meals and bedtime routines because I am exhausted. It is a house that is always a disaster. A brain that is always scattered. A heart that is always torn. A mother who always wishes for more time.

Adam was quick to point out summer and Spring Break. And I am grateful for those times. But they don't console me right now. I need a change of heart. I need the Father to remind me to look beyond myself and serve outside of my own walls. I need an attitude adjustment. But today I am totally down in the dumps and find myself for the first time in my life wishing that the days leading up to Christmas would slow down. Way down.

Or Adam would get a surprise giant raise. Or I could find an awesome work from home part time gig that paid about the same as teaching :)


LB said...

Awww...Carrie, I am praying for you as you go back to work in a month (and who knows, maybe you will find something for home, God can do crazy things:)). Mainly, though, I will pray for peace and strength and rest and teenagers who will respect you and work hard and care that you are working so hard. I am in a woman's bible study with a girl who is a teacher, but wishes she was at home, so every time that I pray for her, I will also pray for you!!

LB said...

I meant to say, "from home"

Team Carter said...
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Kathy Carter said...

You sound like such a great mom! Your children will always think you're the best! I go back to work at the end of January, and I am dreading it. Each night I get sad because I know it's just one day closer to leaving my baby. It's going to be hard physically and of course emotionally. I think it's especially hard being a teacher because you put so much effort into helping other people's children when you really just want to be home with yours. I will pray for you each night while I lie awake and wonder how I'm going to do it. We will just have to make the most of the time we do have with them and be thankful for that.

Carrie said...

Thank you for the prayers! And Kathy I will be praying for you too!