The Victory

I had a small moment of victory this week.
I have been feeling slightly overwhelmed lately as you can probably tell by my woe is me posts. I've a chronic sinus infection and possibly other medical things going on now being sorted out in a lab with some blood drawn this afternoon. So I have legitimate reasons to feel at the end of my rope. And God, as always has been faithful despite that my life, the love song I am supposed to be singing to him has been a quiet hum in the back of my mind.
I have grown bitter towards my job in the past few weeks. Partly due to a fore mentioned medical reasons, who can be super teacher when you feel like roadkill? I feel like I pour out my heart and soul for these kids to have it trampled on again and again. Yet I am certain this is what God is calling me to do at this moment. So I do it. Probably not with a sweet spirit. I start out each semester telling my kids that being in my room is like family, we fight and struggle but we overcome it. I care about them and I am their mom away from mom. (To some of them I am the only mom) I tell them this is a fresh start, no matter their reputation around school. I don't care. I judge them from their actions in my room. As long as they respect me, each other and attempt to do their best with their work I will stick up for them whenever they need it. Well enter Biff (Obviously not his real name given the demographics of my school.)
Biff's name has appeared on every discipline list since the day I started teaching. (Not really but you understand my point) fight, defiance, disrespect, skipping, suspected gang activity (in the non existing gangs as the ex-police chief assured the city). But Biff has decided this year to shape up and get out of school or least the ninth grade. His family is supporting him in his fight against the reputation he has built the past three years. I don't pretend it was my speech because other teachers have concurred on the turn around witnessed in Biff. But I do know that he needed an advocate. I have sung his praises to whoever would listen.
Kids came into third period all excited giving the play play reenactment of the fight in the courtyard. "Who was it?" I asked casually. "Biff and three other boys. Man they gave it to him. Ripped off his shirt and they were just pounding him." I dropped the papers on my desk asked a teacher to cover for me and asked some people still lingering around where they took Biff. I walked in the vice Principal's office and asked to speak to Biff before he was sent home. I sat down and looked into this boys eyes. I asked for the story. He told me he got jumped by these three guys. (I know he was not completely innocent.) He apologized for letting me down. Saying yes mam to every syllable I uttered. I looked at him and told him this did not take away from how proud he has made me so far and that I was there to help him. I carefully related all of Biff's actions in class to the VP. I told Biff I would go get him a textbook and some work so his grade wouldn't drop too bad. I know and saw and appreciated how hard he worked in my room to get his grade and to show respect and self control. With tears in his eyes he thanked me. This is perhaps the first time someone has stood in his defense. With tears in my eyes I told him I'd see him in a few days. I thanked God for allowing me to touch Biff. Then I was rewarded. In fourth period, Biff's class the one that makes me think about retiring at age 27, I asked them about what I said the first day of school. I reminded them. I asked a few who had seen me run across the courtyard to the office where I went. They told the class, because they had followed me. I told them what I did for Biff. Adding that I longed to do it for them if they could do what Biff had done in class. I didn't say it to brag but to show that I said I cared for them and I proved it. For the next forty minutes they worked in silence. It may have only lasted those isolated forty minutes. And that's okay. That forty minutes of quiet reflection of those twenty two crazies is why God has me here and why Noah is in daycare and why I am stressed and frazzled. It was worth it!