This morning I got into the car for my twenty minute commute to school and the radio came on. I had been listening the the Christian radio station last night and I left it there before turning it to my usual sports program. A song was playing that caught my attention and spoke to my heart. It was about joy and pain and how God never lets go of us through it all. I immediately began to cry. I did a Bible Study with a group of amazing women in which we studied joy. Joy is sometimes a choice you have to make. Lately I have been struggling to choose joy. Today I though in the car about how pain can be a choice as well. I have felt pain. Pain was throwing up multiple times a day seven months pregnant at school just to teach a room full kids who did not care. Pain was pushing for three hours on four different drugs on the brink of a C-Section. Pain was leaving my newborn in the NICU. It was hard to pick joy over pain in those situations. I can let pain and discouragment eat me alive if I wanted to with:
-Noah's repeated sickness,
-sending him to daycare
-teaching in the enviroment I'm in
-my failure at juggling all of my roles and letting my job as a wife, sister, friend, daughter slide while treading water as a mom and teacher
-being unable to forgive a person for the way they treated me and never getting closure or an apology
-in the feelings of loneliness and isolation becausae of my lack of time for people and socializing
-jealousy over friendships that I wish I had and mothers who can afford to stay at home and love on their little ones
But I will today pick joy and allow God to hold me, teach me, break me, mold me through these trials and feelings. I have plenty to be thankful for and joyful about and today though I am tempted to give in to pain, I CHOOSE JOY!
4 comments:
I understand! And, what a great attitude! I'm praying for Noah, too, by the way! I've been a bad blog reader this week, but I just read about his potential asthma or allergies. I hope and pray it's just remnants of a cold/RSV and it will go away soon!
I have a work situtaion that requires me to TRY to Choose Joy also (is that from the Beth Moore Daniel study? I did that last summer)...and I'm not very good at it. And dealing with a new baby with colic is testing me, too. It hurts so much to see them hurting...I pray that all this with Noah is cleared up soon!
Carrie~
I understand! It is so hard sometimes, but you are an incredible daughter of the KING! He loves you so much and is compassionate to ALL that you are going through. He really does know your feelings and He is proud of you for choosing joy!
Hey Friend-
I have just read your updates about Noah. I will be praying against that asthma in the name of Jesus! I know this is a crazy time of life and you are doing and learning so much all at once! (I am calling you by the way when I have a baby one day bc you will be so wise!) Know that I am praying peace and calm and joy over your home and life! I love you!
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