The Faces

Time is passing too quickly. Yesterday Miller turned one and I started back to school. No, that was well over a month ago already. I feel like it is slipping through my fingers. In a month and a half I will have a four year old. A four year old. This week I had the opportunity to share in the event of the birth of one of my dearest friend's first baby. A sweet baby girl. The whole experience was so completely edifying and I am again taken aback by her amazing friends and loving family. I honestly feel like her mom loves me as one of her own. The story isn't really mine to share so after my friend does some sharing of her own I will post about how that night changed my heart. But I can tell you this, it has made me quite nostalgic about my own two babies. Who aren't really babies. And even though they were fast asleep when I got home I held them both tight and kissed them. And I pictured them eight, ten and sixteen. And it broke my heart.

What will I do when these faces are so big and their bodies are so big that they no longer fit in my lap. Or I cannot rock them a song as Noah puts it? It is my prayer that I will not take one day or one hour with them for granted. They are growing so big. I pray that I will be strong when their rebellion and rejection in the teen years breaks my heart. And I pray I can be strong enough to hand them over to their wives as Adam's mom did for me. They are mine for only a little while. And ultimately it is not about me as their mom but about God using me to love them and teach them. Because really they are His. On loan.

The "Enough"

Came across this blog post from Beth Moore's blog "Living Proof Ministries". It is written by her daughter and it is extremely heart wrenching. I am diving into a Priscilla Shirer study called "One in a Million", all about living abundantly in the life God has called you to in the Promised Land. And it is quite challenging. I want to be a woman who walks into the promised land and who takes God up on His offer. But this world calls to me. Beckons me. I struggle when I put on the same pair of shoes everyday and just long to go out and buy a pair of cute and needless flats or fall boots. But I don't really need them. Nor do the boys need monogrammed holiday shirts. I am uncomfortable with what I feel like needs are and what I desire. I want to be satisfied with what I have. This blog post tugged at my heart. I felt like I really needed to share it. What is your "enough"? I am so rich. And I have prayed for God "to break my heart for what breaks yours" and I realize it is a dangerous prayer. But I so long to be used by Him. To be His ambassador of love. To do radical things. I even need to learn to satisfied with serving him within the four walls of my home. At school. In the grocery line. It may not be in His plan for me to adopt or go overseas on missions. But I do know He can use me daily if I ask and if I am open to being satisfied in Him. In the manna He gives in his Son. A sweet satisfying yet simple gift. That He alone be my joy. Click here to read Melissa's post. And to hear Shaun Grove's new song Enough. I think you will feel it worth the few minutes to read it.

The Pinterest Ideas

A while back I decided that if I was going to spend so much time on Pinterest I had better put some of these ideas into practice. So I try to use something I have pinned once a week. Last week we painted with ice cubes and used them in the bathtub too.

Noah thought this was awesome. I liked it too. It gave us something different to do. And I felt like it justified the staying up way too late pinning things when I should have been sleeping so I could get up early and exercise. Because Noah loved it. And I love when Noah loves things we do together. Right? :) Oh Pinterest. I love you but hate you in the morning.

The Underserved Grace of God

Many of you have known me a long time so you know just how scattered I am. It is probably my biggest weakness. Scatterbrained and unorganized. It is something I continually work on. I have good intentions but somehow the details escape me. I try to establish routines and schedules and systems that help me with this. But my mornings seem to be the worst. This is an area where God is really working on me. Two Friday mornings ago I woke up late. On purpose. IE I hit snooze three times on my alarm. I am sure Adam loves it when I do that. I left the house in a rush with my teacher bag, lunch bag, water, Carnation Breakfast, tea, and school iPad. I set everything on the hood of my car so I can load everything into its proper and secure spots. (Three different cupholders). My mind was thinking about how Noah had cried every afternoon I picked him up and how he already hates me and how that wasn't supposed to happen until middle school. I was thinking about Labor Day. And sleeping in the next morning. I was thinking about Auburn football.

About seven minutes later I was singing praise songs and looked out my windshield and saw my school iPad hanging on for dear life as I cruised down Highway 43 at 55 miles an hour. "Oh Lord that is my iPad. Help me." I slowed down slowly and got over to pull over on the shoulder when it took a dive into the middle of the road with heavy morning traffic whizzing by. This iPad was given to me through the Teaching American History Grant. And so it really belongs to Tuscaloosa City Schools. All 600 dollars of it. Not only that but it is where I store my grade and attendance records. I had backed up on paper about a week before but there it was in pieces on the road.

I turned around and prayed and prayed as I went darting through traffic to retrieve it. I didn't cry on my way to school. I formulated a plan. I was still in shock I think. On our current budget we don't have an extra 50 dollars much less an extra 600. It was going to take a long time for me to work and sell enough stuff to pay for it. The teachers around me who know and love me despite my scattered tendencies all commiserated with me. A few even sent condolence emails. But God bless Lisa Matherson. She suggested we plug it up and see if it was readable. We did and believe it or not iTunes recognized the wreckage and preformed a backup. We then summarized that it just needed a screen and digitizer replacement about 350 dollars instead of six hundred. Much more doable. Still making me sick. Where in the budget was I going to squeeze that from?

I double checked the warranty and solidified the fact that no it didn't cover stupid accidents. I made some calls and made an appointment for the Apple store for the following Friday and set to work to salvaging grades. Then I remembered I have a personal Tuscaloosa/Birmingham delivery service. Emily is in class at UA and is here everyday. She gladly offered her services and took it to the Apple store that night, thinking they would send it off to be fixed and I could pick up when in town next week. I had a week to come up with 350 dollars.

This is where the story really picks up.

Emily called me around six to say that the Apple store told her to wait while they fixed it. I immeadiately freaked out. How on earth am I going to come up with 350 dollars in thirty minutes?? My mom graciously offered to cover us until we come into town the next weekend. And she prayed that God would use this situation to show His power and love for me. But on many levels I was still stressing when Emy calls me back.

She said they had to replace the whole thing. And my heart drops. That is 600 dollars!!

Then she says she had some good news. They decided to do it for free. As a surprise replacement. FOR FREE. A SURPRISE. I am in tears. Why would Apple randomly decide to go against policy and basically give me a free iPad?

Because Our God loves me in all of my stupidity and carelessness and decided to extend His grace to someone who clearly did not deserve it.

And beyond the replacement, the backup not only saved all of my app purchases but all of the data in them down to every last grade. Like nothing happened. God is good. Real good. Even in the little things. Even when we don't deserve it.

The Verses

I put a lot of pressure on myself to train Noah spiritually. I feel such a huge responsibility to model God's love, grace and patience and I fail at it everyday. It is a hard realization that I can not force Noah to love Jesus and give his heart to Him. I can not make him obey or make him be loving and forgiving. I want Noah to find his security and worth in God. And I want Noah to love all of God's people not just the ones like him. But ultimately this is his choice. All I can do is talk about God, sing about God, read about God and model loving God. For Christmas I got Noah an ABC verse memorization book. We work on a letter a week and work on writing these instructive verses on Noah's little heart. Along with these we work on the church's monthly verses as well as the ones he learns from school. I love to hear him say these verses he knows and it brings me comfort to know they are hidden there forever. Last week I got Noah to tell me the seven verses he knows for the camera. He did pretty well. I am so proud of him because I know he memorizes these by choice. I can not force this little one to do anything :) Of course he always thinks candy will be somehow involved.

The "Hello?"

Miller is doing this adorable little thing that I think all babies do at some point in this age of cell phones. Every object becomes a phone and he holds it somewhere in the vicinity of his head and makes a sound that resembles "hello?" or "Hi!". It is adorable and we now count "hi" among his words. Right up there with "moo". We actually got it on video last week. I know a video! I haven't posted a video in four years. Maybe never of Miller. Well here it is: